I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
This show inspires me to have sex in space
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
