Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
