just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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