perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
