I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
