Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
