was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
