I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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