M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
