when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
