Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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