I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize