we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
