he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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