i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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