I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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