I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize