Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
you traded sex for a burrito?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize