there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
my liver is dry heaving
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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