I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
