So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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