Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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