i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
