I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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