When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
