she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
