I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I think I am morally bankrupt
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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