I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
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