I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
