So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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