made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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