shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
MIDGETS
????
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize