just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
