Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
just tell him i said nine months
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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