i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
