she was so not down for the gang bang
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
how drunk are you?
Several
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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