if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize