upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
