Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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