i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
