I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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