Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
