My Higher Power is John Stamos
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
