foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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