P.S. I can't hear my feet
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
