i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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