You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
