if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
