She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
