Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
