speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
