how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
