wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
