How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Randomize
