i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
