i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
