i barfeds in our rink
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
