White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
