oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
