There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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