I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
