Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
