I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
