you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I wish i was in the wii world.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
