Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
cat food counts as protein by the way
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
