Where did you get a picture of my penis
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
