We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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