nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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