Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
