Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
