I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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