It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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