Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
