Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
