You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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